When Life Gives You Lemons...

We’ve all heard the phrase before, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. Ive always been a strong believer in that personally. My parents have always taught me how to work hard and push through things when they get hard, and I have always tried my best to do so when given the opportunity. My first real experience of “lemons” in my life came with my first diagnosis. I was scared, confused, and extremely bitter. Just the word cancer can leave a bitter taste in your mouth just like those lovely lemons. 

    Luckily for me I was able to find a way very quickly on how to make “lemonade.” I made friends on my unit fast, played my ukulele for nurses and doctors, and tried my best to smile through the daily struggle that cancer presented physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. That was easier some days than others, but I found myself actually enjoying a lot of aspects of my life at the time. 

    Fast forward to my second diagnosis while I was on my mission in Boston, and once again, I was asked to make “lemonade” out of the opportunity God gave me. So I went back to what worked best. Making friends and sharing my talent. This time was a little different though because I was out in NYC, and not at Primary Children’s Hospital which became like my second home.  I quickly found that I was once again able to make friends and sure enough had plenty of opportunities to play my ukulele for people. Especially around Christmas time that year, I played for all the people who came to my room and for the most part they appreciated it. That was a wonderful experience for me and my family. We were blessed enough to have a wonderful family pay to help us see and do some of the most amazing things available in New York. THANK YOU SO MUCH. One of those awesome things being able to go watch Wicked. Probably one of the coolest experiences of my life.  And to top it all off, Lexi showed up in NYC :) So New York turned out to be more like Strawberry Lemonade haha. 

    Now, fast forward one more time to today. Lexi and I have been married for over 2 1/2 years already, we’ve had plenty of adventures, and she still thinks I’m cute? Not sure how I pulled that one off, but hey ill take it :) Lexis health recently hasn’t been super great though as I’m sure you all know. Every time she is able to take some strides forward, something happens that knocks us both back on our butts. Yet she keeps trying day after day. The interesting thing about our situation right now though is that I keep wanting to make lemonade out of this darn lemon life has handed us, yet every time I think I finally figured out how I’m wrong.

    I struggled with that really bad for a long time, and felt like if I wasn’t making progress and squeezing that darn lemon that I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to. I beat myself up over it because I was looking at all the other people and couples that are mine and lexis age and saying to myself I should be doing more. People are having kids, buying houses, going on vacations, and lexi and I keep going to doctors appointments. 

    Then one day I was having a conversation with my Nana while we were eating breakfast at her house. She asked me about how things were going and I expressed my frustration with out situation. I told her I was feeling a bit down because I wanted to do more for Lexi and I , and I kept comparing myself to some of the people around me and what they were doing with their lives. She sat there and listened as I complained, and when I was all done she said a few simple words that changed the way I saw our situation. 

    “Let Go, and Let God”. I sat there and thought about what she said and was honestly shocked by it. I knew she was right, and she wasn’t the first one to try and help me understand that, but it just felt so simple and true in that moment it really hit me. So ever since then, I have tried to take a step back and realize that sometimes it is ok to NOT make Lemonade right away. It’s ok to be still for a time, and allow things to play out the way they need to. God is in charge and he is preparing us for the next step to come, and sometimes we need to be still in order to see, hear, and accept the next opportunity he has prepared for us.

    That being said I’m not perfect so I still have my struggles, but I’m trying. And with each passing day I learn something new about my situation and how I can be a better husband, man, and son. I have a wonderful job that allows me to provide enough for our needs and be the supporter at home for lexi she needs. As crazy as our life may seem, we are in a good place with lots of lemons piling up haha :) They are no secret to us but we’ve learned that there will come a time where we can turn them all into lemonade. I am soooooo excited for when that day comes, but until then we are doing a good job of getting used to the taste and smell of Lemons :)