Receiving Love in Unorthodox Ways

    Before I start I need to thank all those who will take the time to read this. This is my first writing I am putting out there publicly, and I know my writing isn’t perfect. But I am very thankful that you are here and willing to read some of the things that cross my mind. 

    Right now as I write this post, I am sitting in a waiting room, shortly after my beautiful wife, partner, and best friend, Alexis just returned from a procedure. Today was a small one, and was supposed to be simple. As the nurses and doctors were finishing up preparations prior to the procedure I asked our nurse if she and the team had reviewed Lexi’s health history and anatomy. I told her I was aware that this was a pretty standard procedure, but my wife has always been notorious for having things be a little more complex than they should be. Not by her choice, that’s just the way her body is after years and years of chemotherapy, radiation, and back to back Bone Marrow Transplants. And so much more that I know I’m not including at the moment. In short, its never as simple as they tell us it is. Leave it to Lexi to be the 1% of patients who has a weird side effect, or a harder procedure than necessary.

    As they were almost ready to take her away, Lexi and I said a prayer together to help ease some of our anxieties and nerves. I told her I love her. She said it back. I kissed her on the forehead and she was out the door in her hospital bed. 

    I’m not very good at sitting still, so as soon as she was taken back, I stood up to get myself some lunch and go on a drive. That’s where I find I do my best thinking, pondering, and planning. I decided to grab lunch for her mom while I was out and about as well. We get along well, and have a tendency to be concerned about similar things when it comes to Lexi. So I briefly shared the knowledge I had of what was happening today, and started to make my way back to the Intermountain Healthcare LDS hospital in Salt Lake City, Utah. Ive walked hospital hallways for what seems like eternities. The interesting thing about it is that I have learned to fall in love with it. Not because I love the reasons that I am there for, but because the hospitals I have been treated in and lived in have become sacred to me. I have felt my Lord and Savior so close to me so many times, in a building that is so often associated with heartache and pain. And here I am once again, walking the halls like I have lived here my entire life.

    As I got back to the room that Lexi was assigned to, I see that it is still empty. So I sit and I wonder how everything is going, and hope that she returns to me quickly so I can feel her presence close to me. Not 5 minutes later I hear the doors to our small unit open, and I know that my wife is back on her way into the room. Seconds later her nurses turn the corner pushing the bed with her huddled up under the blankets. She loves being warm and comfortable so this isn’t new and I love it about her. 

    Excited to see her again, I patiently wait as they park her bed in the room, hook up her oxygen again, and get her set up with her vital machines to make sure everything is still going ok. One of the nurses spoke to me for a second and with a small chuckle said, “You warned me!”. She then goes on to tell me that the procedure was a little harder than she expected, because her anatomy was not like she expected it to be. It made me grin a little as she told me, but then she reassured me that everything went fine, and after a few attempts they were able to accomplish the task. 

    A few seconds later, the nurses step into the hallway and almost immediately I start to hear sniffles begin. Then just a few short moments after, someone is obviously crying. I thought to myself, maybe someone is just having a bad day, but still I put on my mask and walked into the open area of our tiny unit to see the nurses crying and comforting each other. I kindly stepped towards them and asked if everything was ok, and after a few seconds of collecting themselves one of the nurses went on to tell me how amazing my wife and I were. It caught me a little off guard because I have never met either of these two ladies in my entire life. She then continued to tell me that sometime from the moment they took Lexi away in her bed, to the moment she was done with her procedure, Lexi was talking about and sharing our entire story with them. She was sedated, but not knocked out so she was still capable of talking. She started from the beginning of us meeting, and shared her journey with cancer, mine with it, and then ours collectively up to this point.  

    Let me tell ya. The journey we have been on together is not one that your regular 20 and 22 year old young married couple go through. But here we are. We love each other so deeply, and that love continues to grow daily as we work through more and more trials together. I was amazed though at the extreme love and healing these nurses felt. As they gave me a hug, they thanked me for being so willing to share love and kindness with them. I thought to myself that I hadn’t done anything, but that it was my wife who was the one who shared our story. But I guess they both felt loved by the way my wife and I love each other, and that gave them hope. I hope that sentence makes sense. But in short, they felt love in an unorthodox way. They felt love by witnessing a young couples love for one another. But in addition to that, my wife made them feel special by just smiling and being grateful for the life she has. She is an Angel, and I’m grateful that God trusted me enough to walk by her side as she conquers the world. 

    So here I sit, looking at this beautiful woman who I love SOOOO deeply. She is my whole world, my everything, my best friend, and I am so grateful for that!

   I find it very frequent that people are more upset about our situation than we are personally. I have people tell me all the time that our life is unfair and too hard. I know that was something that was briefly expressed to me today in our short conversation. The truth is, I don’t think our life is unfair. I love our life. No I don’t love that my wife is extremely sick right now, and no I don’t love that everyday is such a struggle right now. But it is our life! This is what we have created! AND I LOVE IT! Amidst it all, I see miracles everyday. Those miracles range form people who are inspired by our struggle, people who are inspired by our love, people who show up out of the blue to drop off dinner, or even people who are humble enough to offer a simple prayer on our behalf. Those are miracles to me, and to her. And they are the driving force for us to continue on our journey. Lexi has already made a mark here on this Earth in a fairly short time so far, but she is going to continue to do so and her fingerprint on this world is and will continue to be beautiful.

    I am grateful for my beautiful wife, and the love she shows me daily. I feel my Savior’s love every single day because I am married to one of his greatest servants here on this earth. My joy stretches beyond anything I could have ever imagined and it continues to grow as I watch this beautiful life of ours unfold before my eyes. 

Love can be shown in many ways. But today I pray that we will all be able to recognize the love that surrounds us in unorthodox ways. Just like our lovely nurses did today.